Men Are From Bruno Mars, Women Are From Venus Williams

I admit that I don't keep up with contemporary music much. I hear it only when I'm out in public somewhere where they play music in the background, when I'm riding in someone else's car, when a Young Person is riding in my car and hijacks the sound system, and so forth. My nieces and nephews used to keep me up on the latest music, but most of them haven't needed me to drive them anywhere in a long time.

It seems like I hear this song, Grenade, sung by Bruno Mars, a lot. I've heard it all over the place, so I guess it's a popular song. I also don't know whether young Mr. Mars is wildly popular right now or if he's on the B team. I don't mean to offend any of his fans by saying that, I'm just trying to establish how truly out of touch I am with contemporary music (actually, with contemporary culture in general).

Every time I hear Grenade, I am always struck by its lyrics. As “research” for this post, I watched the video on Youtube. I will give you this, Bruno Mars not only has a beautiful, smooth singing voice, but he's also quite easy on the eyes.

I realize that Grenade is a “my woman done me wrong” song. According to the lyrics, he really did get a bad one. But every time I hear the song, the “heartless bitch” theme takes a back seat to the other theme: that the bravest, most significant, most manly act that a man can do for the woman he loves is to take a bullet for her.  Grenade video

Years ago, a good friend of mine remarked that her husband has told her many times that, if she or any of their children were ever in danger—for example, being held at gunpoint—it was his duty to jump in front of them and give his life for theirs. He took this duty quite seriously, and he was prepared to make that sacrifice without hesitation. My friend told me, “This from the man who will sit, watching TV, while I have to make five trips, struggling in with the groceries! You know, I'd rather have the help with the groceries and take care of myself if I'm ever being held at gunpoint.”

She also pointed out that he gets the best part of the deal. The “bullet day” is probably never going to come. But the groceries are always going to need to be brought in. So, which is the bigger sacrifice?

The thing is, I think that some men do have this romantic notion that saying that they would take a bullet for their beloved is this huge gesture that demonstrates the depth and breadth of their love. Just like saying they'd give her the moon and the stars. Well, for one thing, there's saying, and then there's doing. And, as my friend pointed out, for most couples, this is a gesture that is never going to have to be acted upon.

Some people postulate that men are actually the romantics, whereas women are the practical ones. I think it may be true. I think that many women value the practical action over the romantic notion. I don't mean that men are being disingenuous in making their sweeping romantic gestures. I think that their hearts are really in it, and I think that they feel deflated when their wife or girlfriend responds with a practical suggestion to one of their quite sincere, brave, and romantic offers. Both are speaking languages of love. The problem is, they're speaking their own love language to a person whose ears are deaf to it. Women would probably do better to offer more romantic responses to their men's Great Gestures, and men would probably do better if, rather than talking about the moon and the stars, they unloaded the dishwasher without being asked.

What men say (Grenade lyrics):

            What women think:

...I'd catch a grenade for ya

Would you make dinner or wash the dishes for me?

Throw my hand on a blade for ya

Could you give me a hand with these groceries?

I'd jump in front of a train for ya

How about fixing the sink drain like you said you would?

You know I'd do anything for ya

Anything? How do you feel about vacuuming?

I would go through all this pain

Skip the pain. Listen to me—not the TV—for just one hour.

Take a bullet straight through my brain

Ick. And you think that changing the baby's diaper is disgusting?

Yes I would die for you, baby

You don't have to die, but if you lived for me

But you won't do the same

I will do the same.

I would go through all this pain

You want pain? Let's clean out the garage.

Yes, I would die for you, baby

If you are willing to give your life for me,

Are you willing to live your life for me?

But you won't do the same

           And I'd love to do the same.