Irish Alzheimer's

I just heard this line on Law & Order: Criminal Intent.

Eames and Goren are leaving Eames's dad's home, and she says of her dad, "He has Irish Alzheimer's: they forget everything but the grudges."

I actually laughed out loud. This is so true, at least in my Irish family.

My dad was born the oldest of eight children to Irish immigrants in Brooklyn, NY. My dad married a Southern girl and moved to Tennessee when they started their family. Like all good New Yorkers, the rest of them moved to Florida as they retired. They formed an enclave near Port Richey, all living within a couple of miles of each other, with many of them living next door or across the street from one another.

The last time I took my dad down to visit his family in Florida, all that they did was bitch and gripe about the ones who weren't there to defend themselves. My dad, as the oldest--and surrogate dad after their father died very young--was always conciliatory, wanting nothing more than for all of his sibs to get along and love one another. He was herding cats, I'm afraid.

On this trip, even though dad was in his mid 70s, he spent his entire time visiting each sib in his or her own home, trying to smooth feathers, soothe old hurts, and bring everyone together. But all they could do was grumble about how so-and-so played when they got together to play penny-ante poker, or how this one or that one didn't pull his load during family functions, and so forth. You probably know the drill. And despite the fact that these combatants were in their mid 60s to mid 70s the constant bickering had more to do with baggage that they were carrying from 50 or more years ago than it had to do with how Marty's wife made the potato salad for Easter.

My grandmother was already long-dead at this time. Had she been there, she would not have tried to soothe hurt feelings, as my dad did; she would have entered the fray. Truth to tell, she would have led the fray. We kids spent a large part of our summers in Florida with Grandma and the aunts and uncles, and I don't know that in all that time, I ever heard my grandmother say anything positive or have a kind word to say toward anyone or anything. I loved my grandmother, but that woman could nurture a grudge like nobody's business. It was actually kind of funny, if you didn't have to be exposed to it all of the time.

Now, my dad is gone, as are all but one of his brothers and sisters. I wonder if my aunt--the youngest of the family--misses the squabbling. I'll bet she does.