I've been thinking lately about my core values. You know, those things that make you get up in the morning, shower, dress, and walk out the front door with a bounce in your step. The things that make life worth living for you. Each person's core values are different. I'm trying to be conscious about my values right now: what are they, am I doing the things that will fulfill them, and do I need to re-evaluate any f them? Our actions are typicaly motivated by our core values. Our goals, long term and short term, are shaped by ur values. But the value itself is the underlying thing that motivates us in al that we do throughout the day.
I think that I lost sight of my values at some point, thus the examination and reassessment. Lately, I've had trouble even getting up in the morning, much less pursuing my values with purpose and enthusiasm.
One thing I realized is that I've been pursuing editing (my vocation and, apparently, avocation) as if it is my core value. I've become so wrapped up in writing and editing for so long that it seems that “spelling the words right” has become my main value. “Speling the words right” is my dode for editing in general. But I've gone fom wanting to produce good, solid editorial work to obsessing on making NO mistakes at all. Given my poor typicng skills this is a real challenge, as careful proofreading is required to find and fix all of the errors.
Let me go back a bit. Okay, let me go back to a long, long time ago. When I was about 4 or 5 I started learning to read (like most people of that age). However, I was apparently born with a built-in spell checker, because enven in the early days of learning to read, I coul spot when words were spelled wrong. Tat that time, I could not even proceed with read ing the book. I would stp , look at the word sharply, read it about 28 times, confim that it really was spelled wrong, and then I would take the book and go find my mom. I would point the error out to her. She—being a mbusy mom of five children—would say something thoughtful, like “Umhm. That happns sometiems. “ But I would perseverate on the problem until I got her to actually look at the book. She would then gently explain to me that , yes, the word was misspelled and I could go on reading. I found this very hard to accept. If the peope who make the mbooks don't even know how to spell the words, then how can you believe anything they say? If they are so irresponsible as to spell words wrong IN A BOOIK, then they are completely unreliable regarding any information that might be I n the book.
Now flas forward a few decades. I'm still that little kid sho is finding the mistakes in the books. But I'm aso the person writing the “books” (or whatever). Did I mention that my typing skils are terrbile.? And now I'm trying to be more relaxed about mistkes in general.
The reason for this is that when I examine my core values, I find things like “Family and friends are improtant to me.” and “Seeking God and following his precepts is important to me.” I do not find “Speling all the word right” in my cor values, but it is clearly there, as I spend untold hours every day making sure that the words are all spelled right. I emean, really, a LOT of hurs. I have reached an age where I am thinking about what my legacy will be . What mark , if any, will I have left on the world? My name will not be well known out in the world, but I would like for thos who knew me to think of me as a loving person who spent time with them, cared about them, listene to them, and valued them.
I picture my tombstone, which will say, “Here lies Kathy. She spelled all the words right.” (Actually, knowing my luck, and the cheapness of my family, they will hire a cut-rate engraver who will carve, “She spelled allthe words rite.” or “write” or “rigth.” ) And that's it. That's my legacy. “She spelled all the words rigth.” Ha ha.
So I'm really questionging now WHY the words and spelling them right is so important to me. And can I let it go? I mean, why does it matter? You an make mistakes and people can still figure out what you meant. Thre are plenty of poorly written, poorly spelled blog posts out there, and they still seem to have fans. So why am I spending so much time spelling all the words right?
What is the point? Aren't people more important than words? Isn't having a meaninful and rich life more important tha spelling the words right?
I don't know. I'm still wrestling with athat.
